New Blog

I don't even know where to begin. Such is the nature of what this blog will be about. See, it all began again when I looked at a friend's blog. She is a photographer, so her photographs are stunning.... and she's clever and witty, so everyone is immediately drawn in. And, it reminded me that it has been way too long since I'd posted to my blog.... L8dybug's Journal.
I don't know what I want that blog to be about..... but it's always just been about our family.... the good things. I posted a couple of things and began reading other blogs. Then began a search for blogs that are relevant to my life. That's what brought me here.
About a month ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD. It was of no surprise to me.... especially since I was certain enough that I might have it that I went to a Psychologist for a full evaluation, including a Psych test and an IQ test. Even more is the fact that my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year as well, and everything I read tells me that it is very likely that she inherited it from one of her parents. And, now all those things about myself that I don't understand have an explanation.
I didn't want to integrate all of this into L8dybug's Journal. I want that to stay about my family.... about the good parts. To have a place for my older daughter's life that is separate from her sister's issues that have become such a part of her life. So, the only way to do that was a new blog...... and I think I should explain the title.
I was originally planning for it to be titled "Chaos and Disorder", but that title was already taken, so I changed it up a bit.... and I think this is even better. See, there is virtually no part of my life that is without disorder. My house is never in order. Yes, I have 2 kids.... but I can't seem to keep up with it all. I'm not talking pig-stye here, but I wish I could have one of those showplace homes with everything in it's place at all times. I covet that...... I feel like I'm that person on the inside. I crave order and perfection..... It drives me crazy to live with "things" all over the place. But, it's impossible for me to do it. Laundry...... I only do it once a week. I don't mind doing laundry....... I like the order of it...... the rhythm of it. I don't even mind folding it.... but I HATE putting it away. So, if I do a load each day of the week, I would have mountains all over the house that never got put away..... adding to the "things" that I can't stand being out. So, I wait until the weekend.... and it takes hours and hours to do it all...... that's if I can even get past the overwhelming feeling of dread and actually begin. (which I haven't.) Now outside. I LOVE gardening. I love to plant flowers..... love how they look and I don't mind the work it takes to clear the beds in the spring/fall to plant the bulbs/flowers. But, I don't keep up with them. I get bored of it. Once they're in, the novelty has worn off.... I'm through. Why can't I continue to enjoy all the hard work I'd done in the beginning. I have to keep lists, planners and schedules so that I don't forget things. Then, if I don't remember to look at them, I still forget. If I think of something that needs to be done, I'd better do it RIGHT NOW, or it won't get done..... or at least write it down, so I'll remember to do it later. Then, remember where I was so I can finish whatever I was working on. So, the disorder that is a constant presence in my life easily spirals into chaos..... when the appointment is forgotten...... the bill wasn't paid...... the favorite shirt wasn't washed.... I didn't make sure the homework was done..... it never ends. And, it can be looked at in another way too..... the Chaos that comes from the Disorder.....ADHD.
So now you're thinking..... this chick is crazy.... what's so difficult about cleaning, laundry and gardeng?.... well, I don't know. That's the frustrating part. I HAVE NO CLUE!!!! It shouldn't be hard. I'm just lazy, right? That's what I tell myself. But, everything I'm reading is telling me that it's the ADHD.... and I'm struggling with that now. Now, combine this with a 4th grader who has ADHD, and is also Gifted and you have my life. I've gotta go takle this laundry.